Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
