Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just found a bag of teeth...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
