I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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