they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
bring money and cleavage
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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