drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
