I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
