erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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