Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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