her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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