I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
