he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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