My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
