ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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