you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
