I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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