I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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