i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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