Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
