Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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