This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
