dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
