I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
