I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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