guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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