Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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