I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need to sanitize my soul.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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