somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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