Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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