Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
why is half of my head shaved?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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