I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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