I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
