i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
