just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
