there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
