Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
