he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
