:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
