I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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