she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
