I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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