my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
