mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
