I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
