oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
