how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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