just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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