I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
