sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
