Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
