party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
