it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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