Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
